Harry Potter Freak
by goldeneyes1
Summary: The lives and daily occurences of Harry Potter fans


You Know You Are A True Harry Potter Freak When…

A/N I added new lines to the original, they are begun with  **, I hope you like them too.

"Those that can laugh at themselves will never cease to be amused."

Every time you see your cousin you slap him silly

Your mother caught you shining her twenty-year-old broomstick and painting Nimbus 2000 on it

Your respect for you little brother has doubled. Now everything he says is cute. After all, he does have Harry's messy black hair and gorgeous green eyes. **Oddly enough he's meaner to you because _you_ don't look like Hermione. You begin to speculate that the obsession runs in the family (except of course for the unaffected mother, father, and other brother whom we do not speak of.)

You are planning to stay home from school on May 28th (or already did) to wait for the mailperson to arrive. When you see them you run up to them and snatch the Harry Potter movie out of their hands. In thirty seconds flat you're already nestled up on your couch with some popcorn and Mountain Dew, watching the title light up.

Every person at your school reminds you of a Harry Potter character. "Has anyone ever told you that you talk like Ron (Rupert Grint)?" 

Your friends tease you by screaming out "Harry" at odd moments and pointing at a black haired boy. You scream in delight and hug him from behind. After he turns his back and raises his eyebrow (hehe) you realize it is just your crush…not the boy who lived.

You wake up to the Harry Potter theme song every morning.

When anyone mentions Severus Snape you brake out into violent giggles.

Your friends decided to buy you a red thong and paint the Harry Potter insignia on it with gold pen for your birthday. You complain that they didn't make you a set for everyday of the week. You run to Abercrombie and Fitch for kids in search of the little bottoms.

You are counting down to Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets movie release.  169 days, 9 hours, 12 minutes, and 25 seconds left until the release!! **I lost count now

You've gotten all your friends madly in love with the Chamber of Secrets movie just by showing them a picture of Christian Coulson *sighs* (also known as Tom Riddle)

Every night you have the same dream. You get on your newly made broomstick and fly to Privet Drive. After tying up the Dursleys and dunking Dudley's head into the toilet numerous times, you sneak into Harry's room and just watch him sleep. You always wake up when Dobby squeaks, "Give me back my pink socks," just to find out it was actually your dad.

You write Harry Potter Fan Fiction 20 hours a day… don't roll your eyes at me!! (Angelica, I saw that!)  
  


You went to King's Cross Station in London, ran head first into the post between platforms 9 and 10, and lost consciousness. After the third time in one day, the nice guard escorted (more like dragged you out with a gun pointed at your head) you out to your Ford Angola. "No! It doesn't fly!" you scream to passerbys as they stare. The incident where you tried to fly off a cliff with it is still fresh in your mind. 

Harry literally sleeps on your bed every night. After all, you bought the Harry Potter pillowcase, sheets, blanket, comforter, towel, action figure, stuffed boy, lamp, and every other inch of your room is filled with posters of your beloved. 

You've read the books so well, you can say them word for word.

Every paper cut seems to look like a lightening bolt.

**You unsuccessfully try for hours to persuade your eight-year-old niece that Crookshanks is actually Garfield in disguise.

**When you get chicken pox, you don't go near any of the Harry Potter books in fear of infecting your Love.

**You were once a vegetarian, but decided to allow pork products into your diet.

**You noticed that JK Rowling's husband looks exactly like a grown up version of Harry Potter. You make sure everyone understands that you have got first bids on their first son. The girl that sits next to you in math is next in line, followed by your 58-year-old literature teacher. 

**You know that the first and only question JK Rowling asks the actors before consenting to their being hired is "How do you say the name of Harry's friend Hermione?" According to you, it took thousands of boys to finally find the one that was capable of correctly coping the name JK Rowling just gave them. Go Daniel!

** You make a website at www.HPlover.com, but dedicate it to the life and times of Frodo Bagginse. You never knew there were so many different ways to swear in the English language. You 'beeping' read the 'beeping' guestbook every 'beeping' day in order to 'beeping' widen your 'beeping' vocabulary.

**Your sister got a new cell phone. You program the ringer tone to be the Harry Potter main theme then devilishly lock all the information under your own password of  'scarlet woman'. For hours upon hours she unsuccessfully tries to break the password and change the tone. In a week, the phone is yours.

**For mother's day, you showed your mother love by throwing away all her cookie dough cutters and replacing them with ones that make sexy round glasses. Guests seem to stare at the cookies instead of eat them, but ahh…the joy you get with every gooey bite.

**Every time you get into a pool, you get an intense craving to scream "Help! The giant squid has got my foot!" and act as though you are being pulled down. Last time your friends decided to actually pull you down without your knowledge. Now you scream the phrase while running through the sprinklers instead.

**That cute guy at McDonald's knows whether you want sweet and sour sauce with your Happy Meal. After all, you go there every day for the kid's meal toys-now featuring Harry Potter collectibles. His reaction to seeing you every day this week: Monday- a smile and glasses; Tuesday-a wink and a broomstick; Yesterday- a joke and Dumbledore. Today- _two_ Harry Potter action figures. SCORE!! 

**You bought a rooster. It died. You ran.

**After hours of practice in the tube (underground) you finally figure out how to bend your arm and hand in order to make it look like a lightning bolt. During these three hours, 4 elderly ladies fall asleep on your shoulder and get the opportunity to experience your 'lightning errors' with you. The first gets her eye poked by your finger. The second gets elbowed in the nose. The third gets punched in the leg. And the fourth starts drooling on you, so you decide to get up unexpectantly and stand the rest of the way (to the dismay of the man sitting on your other side, who consequently has an elderly woman snoring on his lap). When you figure out the technique to use, you step off the tube proudly. Cheers and clapping reaches your ears as the door closes behind you, but you disregard them as World Cup festivities. What? It's _only _August 3rd.

**The best moment of your summer vacation was on July 5th when you watched Harry open the door to his room and reveal dobby standing obediently on his bed. After your scream of joy gets you a hard nudge in the stomach by the unknown beside you, you decide to make an overview of the trailer. Harry nice…Harry's "new" voice _nice_…Snape, hehe…Harry thrown to ground by Riddle…wait a second… "Where's Tom Riddle?!!" rings through the theater. The man beside you nudges harder. You realize that your movie experience will be painful, so you exit after the trailer. But hey! Those 4 pounds were sure worth your minute of ecstasy. To the disappoint of everyone else in the theatre, you open the large door and let light in, blinding the mean nudger and ruining any chance of someone seeing the next preview. Ahh…life's good when Harry's involved. And to think, you ALMOST forgot about the kid. Two hours later one of your brothers (you're beginning to have quite a large family) gets home from the movie you just skipped and asks why you left.

            "Did you see the Harry Potter trailer?" you calmly  ^cough cough^ ask.

            "Yes, so what? Don't you already have the movie?"

            "NO! This was a trailer for the second movie that comes out on November 15th!"

            "Oh no." his face turns pale as he turns his back and walks away muttering something that sounds awfully like "God, please help my sister."

What are you looking at? I was totally unobsessed until they showed that stupid trailer. It's not my fault. ^Breaks down into tears^ mea..sob..nies

This is me (and maybe others)…

When your Biology teacher's going on about fungi, or maybe it was worms, you are staring at the turtles in the tank in front of you, thinking about the life in the day of Harry Potter as a turtle.

You start laughing at the sight of your Global Studies teacher. After all, _Dalli's Golden Underwear_ **was** written because of him. Why is the class giving me weird looks? Oh…he just moved the test date up. 

**Your tarot card reading said you'd give birth to a young midget in glasses, but your psychiatrist doesn't seem to believe you. You consider this possibility after he put you in a little white padded room (where you were sent with the consent of your parents). 

**You know you could never be one of the kid actors in the HP movie because you'd ruin the affect of the scary dark scenes with your glow in the dark PJs.

**To my friends (and maybe others)…

When you sing the camp song "Oh Lord Byron please don't touch me" you get an intense desire to sing "Oh Lord Voldemort please don't touch me." However as the song continues this craving miraculously disappears. This is the song in normal verse. Try substituting! With feeling now!

            Oh Lord Byron please don't touch me

            Chorus: As we roll between the silky sheets with nothing on at all

            Oh Lord Byron please don't touch

            Chorus

            Oh Lord Byron please 

            Chorus

            Oh Lord Byron

            Chorus

            Oh Lord

            Chorus

            Oh

            Feel the urge?

            A/N I was stupid and just deleted my original story with all the reviews by mistake, so please review this one!! (first version written 5-28) I'm begging!! And read my story Dalli's Golden Underwear! Review!


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